Giving Too Much
A good friend of mine recently started becoming
aware that she was giving too much to other people. It's especially
challenging for her because she's in a helping profession.
"I thought I had good boundaries," she
said. "Oh, no! I'm turning into my mother! 'I'm only trying
to help, honey.'"
Giving is a good thing – giving too much is
not. She has given so much, she has depleted herself, draining
her own energies in an unhealthy way, and come close to burnout.
This seems to be a common failing among women. We're trained from
an early age to give, give, give, even at the expense of our own
well being. Our natural condition is one of caring and compassion.
We have hormones in our brains that make it possible for us to
nurture a child. Evolution has required this for the successful
continuation of the species.
Evolution now requires us to be stronger, clearer
human beings. PMS and perimenopause allow us to have our anger
and to find our strength within it. "No more! I need to take
care of myself first if I'm going to have anything of value to
give to others."
Inappropriate giving can also be disrespectful
and disempowering to the other person. "I found myself asking
someone else's question in a class. How can they learn to ask
their own questions if I do it for them?" The unconscious
assumption may be that the other person is incapable of taking
care of themselves, of learning how to do what needs to be done,
and of making their own decisions.
My grandmother, who has been dead for 30 years,
came to me in a dream and said, "I knew you would be here,
but I know how to keep a secret." The feeling was loving,
respectful, and empowering. The implication seemed to be that
she had foreseen mistakes that I would make, but had enough respect
for my personal journey to allow me to learn the important lessons
that those mistakes had to teach me. She had enough faith in my
own inner wisdom and strength to know that I could handle what
I chose to create for myself. My dead grandmother is very wise.
Namaste,
(Honor the Light within),
Sue Redding
"It's not whether you're loved, but how you're
treated." Author Unknown
"It does not matter how much therapists know, as long as
they can keep it to themselves." D. W. Winnicott
"No one ever prevented a war by firing the first shot."
KevinThroop
Mirror
By Sue Redding ©2005
Who are you anyway,
hiding behind your one way mirror in the dark,
so that all I can see is my own reflection?
What are you afraid of?
Why don't you turn on the light?
Spiral
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