Giving
Too Much
A good friend of mine recently started becoming
aware that she was giving too much to other people. It's especially challenging
for her because she's in a helping profession.
"I thought
I had good boundaries," she said. "Oh, no! I'm turning into my mother!
'I'm only trying to help, honey.'"
Giving is a good thing
– giving too much is not. She has given so much, she has depleted herself,
draining her own energies in an unhealthy way, and come close to burnout. This
seems to be a common failing among women. We're trained from an early age to give,
give, give, even at the expense of our own well being. Our natural condition is
one of caring and compassion. We have hormones in our brains that make it possible
for us to nurture a child. Evolution has required this for the successful continuation
of the species.
Evolution now requires us to be stronger,
clearer human beings. PMS and perimenopause allow us to have our anger and to
find our strength within it. "No more! I need to take care of myself first
if I'm going to have anything of value to give to others."
Inappropriate giving can also be disrespectful and disempowering to the other
person. "I found myself asking someone else's question in a class. How can
they learn to ask their own questions if I do it for them?" The unconscious
assumption may be that the other person is incapable of taking care of themselves,
of learning how to do what needs to be done, and of making their own decisions.
My grandmother, who has been dead for 30 years, came to me in a dream and said,
"I knew you would be here, but I know how to keep a secret." The feeling
was loving, respectful, and empowering. The implication seemed to be that she
had foreseen mistakes that I would make, but had enough respect for my personal
journey to allow me to learn the important lessons that those mistakes had to
teach me. She had enough faith in my own inner wisdom and strength to know that
I could handle what I chose to create for myself. My dead grandmother is very
wise.
Namaste,
(Honor the Light within),
Sue Redding
"It's not whether you're loved, but how you're treated."
Author Unknown
"It does not matter how much therapists know, as
long as they can keep it to themselves." D. W. Winnicott
"No one ever prevented a war by firing the first shot." KevinThroop
Mirror
By Sue Redding
©2005
Who are you anyway,
hiding behind your one way
mirror in the dark,
so that all I can see is my own reflection?
What
are you afraid of?
Why don't you turn on the light?
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